So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
