Pants 0. Shit 1.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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