i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize