i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
