she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
