I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
