what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Found your dick twin last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
