I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
