sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
