Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
