with your own penis?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
