This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
