ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
