I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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