I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize