Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
