i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
