just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
