i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize