you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
