went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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