In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
