sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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