remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
