You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
