you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
