Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In America we eat man semen.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
