Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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