Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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