I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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