Me too!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
