Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
