Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
