I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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