Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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