halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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