good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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