my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
