There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
