it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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