She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
