You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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