batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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