Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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