How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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