The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
