i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
