We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pants are for mortals
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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