do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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