Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
