i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
