Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
