whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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