I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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