...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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