I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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