Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
