Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
