I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
