I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize