Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
